Things that make you go hmmm…

Good Monday morning, bloggers.

Maybe you guys can help me out with this: why is it as soon as you’re in a relationship, guys are all up in your grill trying to chat? But when you were single nobody had any time for a sister?

I’ve been noticing it more and more. And, I know, if The Boyfriend and I were to part ways, every darned thing would dry up and there would be a drought. Not an eligible, decent man would be found for miles and I would gripe and fret.

Hmmm… What do you guys think?

Romantic Realism: Notes from all over

Over this summer, I've seen and heard so many good pieces of advice, I feel the need to share. Enjoy!

Give him a chance to miss you
Put down the phone, ladies. Stop typing that email to that hot guy that you met three weeks ago who hasn't had a chance to email you back yet... although you already emailed him six times... just to say hi... 'cause he may have lost your email address...

No, he isn't too busy to talk. No, he's not dead on the side of ditch (although, I've been in that predicament -- the brother wasn't dead, just being a jackass). He's just not into you! I know that's a big catchphrase, but it's soooo right! The big problem here, was you didn't give the man a chance to miss you and figure out that he wants to talks to you or be with you.

Last night I had a rousing discussion with The Boyfriend, Big Sister and Marlo Girl after we watched the premiere episode of America's Next Top Model (go, Nik, go!) about relationships and what happens when women become the persuer.

Sisters, it doesn't work.

Well, it may work for a hot minute.

Men, by nature, can be a lazy bunch and if a woman is blowing up his voice mail and showing up on his doorstep every other night, he's certainly not going to put in the effort to woo her. Why would he? She's doing all the work. She's taking the fun out of the pursuing and she's not giving him a chance to miss her tail. She's always there.

If a man is truly interested, he will make all the effort in the world to let you know he's interested. He will never be too busy to call, email or go out because he wants you. He will call in between meetings, just to say hi. He will return emails quickly. He will want to plan dates or outings, just so he can see your pretty face.

If you're doing all the calling, emailing and wooing, girl, he doesn't want you. He may tolerate you. He may even think you're kinda cool. But trust me, when you decide you're not calling him, you won't be hearing from him.

Some women will say, "but wait. Am I supposed to sit here and just wait for a man to call me? Whatever, Urban Sista, I'm a strong, powerful woman and when I see something I want, I go and get it!"

Go 'head, star, but I'm sure that things aren't going to work out the way you think. Now, no one's saying not to approach a guy you're interested in if that's your thing. I can honestly say that I don't do that mess 'cause it just doesn't work for me. Everyone does things differently. But once the digits have been exchanged, it is time for you to hang back and see where he's coming from.

I heard this saying about relationships: men take time to get ready; women are always ready. Man, 90% of the time that's correct, 'cause most likely than not, if you didn't like his backside in the first place, he would have your number. A man will take a number of almost anyone in a skirt if he's mildly interested. Ladies, you can't convince a man to like you or even to ask you out. If you force the issue, be sure, he's going run the other direction and you'll be wondering, "where did Pookie go? We were getting along so well!"

Yes, we're independent, millennium women who don't wait by the phone -- we have things to do -- but as Marlo Girl said, it's the laws of the universe that are in play. If you chase a man, you're not going to catch him, 'cause "dog chase cat; cat nuh chase dog."

How you find your man is how you lose your man
I'm sitting here at my temporary cubicle, looking for things to do when I go to thestar. com and read an article about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. It seems that these two are now a real couple and Angelina's little boy, Maddox, is calling Brad 'daddy'.

Chupse.

Hopefully, Angelina knows that this fun is only for a time, 'cause how you get your man is exactly how you lose your man. Now, we all know Brad Pitt's MO. He was dating Gwyneth Paltrow and all of a sudden, my man dashed her backside and married Jennifer Aniston.

So, now Brad and Jenn get married in this elaborate ceremony with flowers and doves and the entire Friends cast and everything is happiness, love and roses.

Until Brad went on Oprah and pretty much said, if things work out for a while... A while? My man was already sounding like he was looking for something better. A marriage is not a leased car -- you can't drive it for a while then take it back to the shop. My man Pitt has a roving eye -- it roved from Gwyneth to Jennifer and now, look, Angelina is all in the mix.

So, history would tell us, that Brad is going to be all involved with Angelina, Maddox and Zahara for a bit and then, some other young, hot thang is going to catch his eye and off he goes. (Hearing Ms. Jolie's relationship history, she may jump ship before he does.)

But this is a great lesson for us, ladies. This man has a history of loving and leaving -- if that's your man, don't pretend you don't see it. If he left his former girlfriend/wife/baby momma for you, that means it won't bother him in the least to dump your tail for some other young hottie.

Old habits die hard, so if Pookie was sleeping with you when his wife was at home looking after the kids, think twice before you accept that ring, 'cause he most likely is going to do the same thing to you.

That's it for today, folks.

Enjoy the weekend!

Am I my brother's keeper?

Over the course of a week or so, my little blog has been blowing up with people commenting on my thoughts and the thoughts of others about Hurricane Katrina.

Personally, I'm Katrina'd out -- I've overdosed on CNN and I'm ready to concentrate on something else. Not because the flood victims are no longer important, but because I'm hearing such drivel from some people.

So, these are my last thoughts on the matter, then I'm done.

I am my brother's keeper, no doubt, but my brother has to learn to take correction and look in the mirror to see what others are seeing. The same way my brother would ask me to be introspective and look at myself. As someone who doesn't live in the United States, I see the U.S. very differently than someone who calls the States home.

The world sees things very differently that those of you who live in the U.S.

I am my brother's keeper? Of course I am, but I'm certainly not my brother's yes-woman, agreeing to everything he says to keep him happy.

We need to call it how we see it and address the inequalities globally -- I'm not just my brother's keeper because we share a border. I'm my brother's keeper 'cause we share the same skin, regardless of where we live.

A tragedy is not moreso a tragedy because of where it occured geographically, but we fool ourselves into thinking so. Jesse Jackson said that Black suffering is accepted and ignored -- I'd say that we as Black people in North America have taken on that same attitude when it comes to Black people in impoverished nations around the globe. The U.S. certainly isn't impoverished and the horror that was Katrina was because of a rich government who could care less -- not a government who couldn't afford to care.

Many a comment was made that 'we didn't ask for your help!' What, are we six-year-olds who want to do everything for ourselves? Only an arrogant fool thinks he can survive in this world by himself.

And that's the point: we can't survive without each other. We've proven that once we start thinking we can things go to hell and we still need to ban together. This isn't Canadian vs. American vs. Caribbean vs. African -- hell, people, when other people see us they see us for the colour of our skin, not our nationality.

If we are to be our brother's keeper, we need to truly be our brother's keeper. We need to help Black people across the world. We need to tell our brother when he's acting the ass. And we need to accept and learn from constructive criticism.

You know, I was watching CNN Headline News and they had some crazy white dude saying that Black people in New Orleans brought this situation upon themselves.

Obviously, the man's an idiot.

These are the people, we as Black people need to come against, not each other. I still haven't changed my point of view from my first post on the topic, but this has surely changed my outlook.

Anyway, this is my last two cents on the subject 'cause it has completely tired me out.

Let me tell you about yourself...

Lord, I needed to write about something a little less serious than what I've been writing about. So, MarloGirl is running this meme on her page and I'm joining in on the fun! Here are the questions:

1. I’ll respond with a random thought I have about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think).
5. I’ll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog

Who wants to play?

Just drop me a line and I'll post what I think about you... I promise, it won't be rude. Maybe snarky, but not rude :)

********************************************

Here go, Ms. Marlo:

1. I wonder about the power you yield with those eyes. "Excuse me, Mr. Doughnut Man, there are only 12 doughnuts and there are five of us. **Blink, blink** Do you think you could give us some more?" And the man, in a trance, dropped about 85 doughnuts in the bag -- didn't charge an extra cent. Marlo smiled, blinked and bounced. I was jealous -- I blinked and nothing happened. But my belly was filled :)

2. That Hoobastank song -- I can't remember the name -- I remember that you had a love affair with that joint. Every time I hear it I wonder, "Marlo loved this song?"

3. Why we got to wrestle? I'd take you though, I've got about 20 pounds on ya. I'd say lime jello 'cause you're a tart.

4. Huggy. Tee hee. Well... there are a few more people who may know... (about 47 sisters are going to read this and gasp, thinking, "they know him too?"

5. Seeing this small, big-eyed, bald, brown sister at a café on Bloor St. Girl, it shocked me, 'cause I was expecting a tall, light-skinned girl with big, bushy curls.

6. A peacock, 'cause you can strut when you're ready.

7. Hmmm... this one's kinda tough. Let me think about that one and get back to you.

Who's next?

Haves vs. Have Nots

So, the boyfriend and I had a little argument this morning about the whole situation in New Orleans. Now, I’m absolutely horrified by the suffering and mishandling of the situation – as is he. We have different points of view, though, concerning donating money. I just don’t see myself giving money.

Not because I don’t care or because I believe the United States is some evil empire. Suffering is suffering regardless of where in the world it takes place.

I won’t donate for the same reason I didn’t donate during 9/11 – the States doesn’t need my money.

You may think I’m cold, but this is my reasoning: The U.S. is a super rich nation and there is more than enough money to help the people in the Gulf of Mexico. Right now, the U.S. governments are going a piss poor job of getting aid to the people and evacuating, but it’s not due to a lack of money.

It’s due to a lack of planning, maybe some uncaring people – I’ll get to that in a minute (see the quote below) – and more than not, it's due to an overwhelming natural disaster. I've got to big up the mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin. That brother is stressed out trying to help the people in his city and he's telling the truth, the feds need to "get off their asses" and help the people.

I would expect and encourage the Canadian government to do all it can to help: send troops to aid in evacuation, peacekeeping, food and water distribution, etc. That’s what it looks like the people in New Orleans need from the images I’ve seen on CNN.

News media was another part of our heated discussion. Before I say anything, I do believe it’s a terrible situation, for real and because it’s on TV all day and all night, it’s really affecting viewers. Unfortunately, when disasters aren’t on TV, we don’t remember and little help is given to those people. Case in point: the famine in Niger where millions of people will die if foreign aid is not secured to buy food.

One of my girlfriends who works as an editor at a newspaper said that we expect disaster and disease in foreign lands, so when we hear about it, it doesn’t really affect us. And it's not shown on the news -- there may be one story, but then, enough is enough.

I think I may have seen a line on CNN’s ticker and one story from the Toronto Star.

The boyfriend said New Orleans is in our backyard and of course it’ll be the predominant story in the American news media. He makes a good point, but it’s no more horrible or important than millions of people starving whose suffering is pretty much ignored by the global community because we aren’t seeing it.

Yes, there were the Live 8 concerts, but those were to raise awareness, not money, for poor countries and to have rich countries forgive debts and give more financial aid.

Sigh. It’s a terrible situation all around. I'm not comparing disasters, I'm comparing media coverage. It's sorta like when a white woman goes missing (i.e. Natalee Holloway) we hear about it day and night. When a Black woman goes missing, it's no big deal. Wise Diva wrote a great blog about that. When something terrible happens in a developing nation, it's no big deal -- that in itself is wrong. Humanity is humanity regardless of geographics.

The boyfriend and I did come to a conclusion: Black folks are the ones – at least from the images we’re seeing, whether it’s Niger or New Orleans -- who are suffering and it’s a constant thing.

I don’t want to make this a race issue, but if the people dying in the streets of New Orleans were predominantly white, would the U.S. government have been so slow to respond? If the people going hungry in Niger were white, would the global community have ignored them?

Somehow, I don’t think so.

The boyfriend dug this up from a link a friend sent. I don't know who the comment came from, but it's a good one:

It’s obvious both racism and bias exists and was very evident tonight when the director of FEMA was asked why the refugees in the Superdome had not gotten food/water. (There was film footage and verbal testimony showing people dead, lying on the ground, in wheelchairs, etc, covered in sheets, from DEHYDRATION of all things-right outside the doors of the Superdome.) He stated that he thought all "they" where doing was looting and so there was basically no hurry to get those necessities to them. He then says that they are doing "the best they can" even though they've apparently known about the Superdome situation for days now. I'm disgusted with his racist statement but not surprised because whenever it is black people needing help, whether it be here or Africa, the request is always put on the back burner and there's always a crappy "valid" explanation.

That’s not because of no money, that because of ignorance and cold-heartedness.

Sigh.

Praying for you folks down south and in Niger – hopefully, help gets to both places fast enough to stop the situation from getting any worse.

Lord Have Mercy

It's amazing to see how civilized people can turn mad in a matter of days during a crisis. This only serves to prove how human we all are regardless of where we are and how fast a criminal element can take hold.

Stealing electronics when you have no power and no where to put anything of value makes no sense -- but people aren't necessarily thinking sensibly.

Tell me that you stole some bread and water 'cause you were hungry. Even tell me you stole shoes 'cause yours were destroyed and you needed to walk to safety. But why are you stealing a Sony P2P? How is that going to help you? Who are you going to sell it to?

Idiots.

From shooting at rescue helicopters to stealing the damned generator from a hospital, I have a feeling that things are going to get worse and worse before they get better as people become more and more desperate.

My prayers and thoughts are with the folks in the Gulf states trying to get through this disaster. Hopefully, common sense rather than lawlessness will win out.

I will be blogging again in the near future -- it's been a crazy summer.

Stay safe this long weekend.