The Urban Sista review: Do You Take This Woman?

I’ve decided to do something a little different. While I was on blogging hiatus, I did quite a bit of reading… not just other folks’ blogs, but real books. Some were great. Some weren’t so great.

Being an aspiring novelist, the not-so-great one definitely brought out my ire. Why should you [INSERT POOR NOVELIST] get a book deal and I’m still praying, wondering, waiting and begging.

Chupse!

But, alas, reading what is terrible is just as good as reading what’s excellent, ‘cause the terrible ones show you exactly what not to do.

Case in point, my first review Do You Take This Woman?, by RM Johnson.

Now, this book has an interesting premise. Carla is married to Pete, but was once engaged to Pete’s closer-than-a-brother friend, Wayne. Back in the day, Wayne cheated on Carla and Pete spilled the beans. Carla, in her anger and disgust broke up with Wayne.

OK, so far so good.

Carla, in her loneliness and vengeance, married with Pete. Yes, Pete did notice Carla first the night all three met, but if Wayne is your bestest friend in the world, how low are you to get with his ex-fiancée?

That’s not too unrealistic. Maybe a bit skangy, but, some folks are lawless like that.

Anyway, Pete and Wayne continue to be boys although the both want Carla.

Now, this is when things get odd and I wanted to throw the book through the window.

Wayne decides he wants to connect with Carla again and they start seeing each other unbeknownst to Pete. There is no sexual contact because, I guess, it would be wrong, but Carla does begin to neglect her hubby Pete. Pete does try to get Carla to communicate with him, but she turns the cold shoulder.

So, what does Pete do? After two years of marriage to the woman of his dreams?

He goes the club, finds some chick and has sex with her.

This is when I screamed, ‘dammit Pete! I thought you loved the chick! How did it change so fast??’

Anyhow, to make a long plot short, Carla finds out that Pete did the exact same thing that Wayne did and she demands that he let her sleep with another man to even the score. If Pete doesn’t allow her to have her way with some dude, she would leave him.

Pete, guilt-ridden and ashamed, agrees. After a few weeks, Pete decides that Carla will sleep with the man he chooses.

And guess who jackass chooses?

Wayne.

Obviously, Pete didn’t know that Carla and Wayne had been seeing each other on the low, but, good grief. Now, you know Carla and Wayne were going to be married, so that would tell me that there were some feelings and physical attraction between the two of them. So, why the hell would you grant them permission to have sex?

‘Cause Wayne is your boy? Chupse!!!

All the relationships disintegrate into mayhem with Carla and Wayne planning to deceive Pete by pretending to sleep together… but then actually sleeping together. Pete, blinded by jealousy, anger, guilt and only the Lord knows what else, attempts to rape Carla and attacks and kills Wayne in a crime of passion.

By the time I finished the book, I was disgusted. I wanna know if Carla was all that, ‘cause if I was a man, I’d be like, ‘you ain’t fine enough for me to kill my boy over. Bump that!’

Really, it descended into unrealistic foolishness. Pete seemed to be a stable person -- a doctor at that who shared a practice with Wayne -- so, at some point, wouldn't Pete have said to himself, 'guy, you're going a bit insane. Maybe I need to chill the hell out.'

Carla knew she had been deceiving Pete all along by seeing Wayne. And Wayne knew he was screwing his boy Pete by seeing Carla. Why didn't anyone use common sense?

The book ends with Wayne dead and Pete even more grief-stricken and guilt-ridden. I mean, he just killed his best friend over trifling Carla. Carla, knowing that she was the cause of all this confusion, decides that she wants to be with Pete.

WHAT!!!?!??

Gimme a break. Your ass was just planning to leave Pete for Wayne, but now that Wayne's dead, Pete's your fallback guy? By the way, Carla's pregnant but doesn't know who the daddy is.

I wanna know where the police are and why Pete's tail wasn't locked up for second degree murder.

Now, I know RM Johnson is a best-selling author and this is my first time checking out his work. But, dayum! brother! This can't be the best plot you could come up with. The readers at Amazon.com dug the book for the most part, so maybe I'm out of touch.

Meh, what do I know... I'm still trying to get my book published.