Thoughts...

Today, I went to a funeral. It was the first funeral I attended in more than 15 years. The one that I went to back in the summer of 1988 was that of my mother's friend. A wonderful woman who, after a lengthy illness, passed away.

The teenaged Urban Sista went to the church, to the gravesite and back to the church for refreshments. I was shaken, but at that age, I still felt invincible. Not in the 'I'm going to jump off this building and survive!', but in the 'I'm only 13, I have all of my life to live."

Fifteen years passed and people I know have died -- but no one really close to me. I've been lucky enough not to have to attend many funerals. My aunt died last month and, unfortunately, I couldn't travel to Barbados to attend. It's been exactly a month today and I don't feel quite as invincible as I used to be.

Age, maturity and maybe some experience has shown me that I'm not going to live forever. Today could very well be my last day on the face of the earth.

Morbid, huh?I shocked myself with my deep, philosophical thoughts about life and death during the past four weeks. I know, mentally, that at some point, I will die (granted Jesus doesn't come back before I go and meet Him). It's a part of life -- a difficult part -- but a part nonetheless. It's scary. Not because I don't know where I'm going, but I guess because I'm human, I'm scared because no one has come back and told me what exactly happens.

It's fear of the unknown, plus worrying about the ones you've left behind.

At today's funeral, I saw this man's family and friends come to honour him, which was great, but the sorrow was palpable, especially at the gravesite. Big, young, tough dudes that were probably rockin' Jay-Z or Nas on their soundsystems this morning were crying like babies for someone who meant so much to them.

Forgive the rambling -- I'm feeling introspective.

I guess it comes down to: you never know when your time will come. Just because you're young and healthy doesn't mean you are guaranteed a certain number of years on this earth. Death is no respecter of person (I heard that a bazillion times today).

Enjoy your family and friends. Make time for them -- it's really easy to say, 'I have to work. There's something important I have to finish!' But at the end of your time here, what will you really care about? How much work you accomplished on the weekend you were supposed to hang with your buddies? Or when you unplugged your computer and went shopping with the girls and had a great time? Don't let a funeral bring your family together -- 'cause sometimes that's the only reason you'd travel to see each other. (I heard at the funeral, the man who died wanted to have a big blowout 50th birthday party in BIM, but his job wouldn't give him the time to go, saying, "if you go, you may not have a job to come back to." Now they sent flowers -- what for?)

Enjoy your life. Stop fretting over foolishness and giving yourself ulcers. We like to stress ourselves out over a bunch of things that are frivolous. Why worry? Especially about things you can't control. Focus on what's important and let the rest roll off your back. Travel, eat, listen to music, crack a joke, go to church sometimes (it won't kill you), spend time with your loved ones.

Live with integrity. Think you're getting somewhere knocking down people to get where you want to be? At today's funeral, the church was packed with people who cared about this man and his family. People spoke highly of him and sincerely missed him. How would you feel if only two people show up at your funeral because your attitude stank and no one could be bothered with you?

Learn to forgive. Why hold someone up in your heart? Half the time who you're angry at doesn't even know that you're upset with them. The other half, they know exactly what they've done and are enjoying making you miserable. Don't bother. Forgive and move on -- life is too short (it's a cliché, but it's true.)

Work hard. You have to work hard in order to deserve to enjoy life. No one has any respect for someone who can't get off their sitdown and do something.

Laugh and do it heartily. I can remember so many times with my friends (the Lighthouse dinner; the CNE with the Bajan Girls; my 29th birthday party) and family (watching the parents get into 'what did we call this back home?'; Connecticut with the cousins; being a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding) where I laughed until I cried. Those are the memories that I'm sure I'll keep until I'm an old, grey granny (God spare my life).

Don't always watch, sometimes do. Take a risk -- a calculated one or not. But don't just sit there and watch the world go by, get up a do something. Take a trip. Approach that cute boy. Sing back up at Indian Motorcycle (that's for you DK). Take a course and better yourself. Smile. You don't know whose life you're brightening up with that lovely grin of yours.

Do what you love -- whether it's your job or a hobby. Not all of us are blessed with the job of our dreams, but that doesn't mean it has to be all that you do. Find something that you love -- writing, singing, painting, Web site development, childcare -- whatever. If you love your job, do it to the best of your ability. But find something that you love and do it, no matter what anyone says. You'll be surprised how people encourage and support you.

Well, that's all my ramblings for today.