Romantic Realism: He's just not that into you

A work of genius!

I was watching Oprah last night and her guests were Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, authors of He's Just Not That Into You. I swear, these people have put common sense on paper and are not making a mint. My mint because I've been talking about this stuff for ages, darn it.

There were various women on discussing their relationship woes. One girl, I believe, is dating a young man I used to talk to. Like her now and again boyfriend (I use the term boyfriend very loosely -- he was more of a boy who was a friend...), mine was in the music business. I would hear from him and he'd want to take me out and spend time with me, then as suddenly as he was around, he was gone. And I don't mean he didn't call for a couple of days, for weeks this man was missing in action. Then one day, I'd get an e-mail or text message or, if I was lucky, a voice mail, saying 'I miss you. When can I see you?'

I put up with the foolishness for 10 months. Ten month of my dating life, gone -- not 'cause I thought he was the one, or anything crazy like that. But because I spent so much time agonizing over this one dude, I didn't have any time for any other guy who may have been interested in me (of course, during that time, I went out once with the UPS man, but that's a whole other blog.)

The brother was honest, he said he had women who, (clearing throat), handled his business. I know, I know. I was young.

But the truth was, he just wasn't that into me. I was cool to hang out with every so often, but ask me if I saw him on the weekends? No.

Did I meet any of his friends? A few people in the music biz, but no one that he was friends with.

Did we ever talk about the future? Yes. He would comment about me having his children, although he already had four (I know, I know -- I was young and foolish) and possibly marriage one day. Even then I knew that was a load of hooey.

We parted ways in the fall -- after he sent an e-mail to me (and four other women) saying "I miss you. When are we going to get together?"

Right. I should have figured out at least seven months earlier that he just wasn't that into me, but I was making excuses -- to myself and to my girlfriends (one who called him 'slime') -- about why we weren't spending any time together. Why he would disappear for a month and a half (I think the entirety of our 'relationship' was two weeks, if you counted all the time we actually spent together).

So, after a lot of soul searching and nights spent contemplating my love life, I decided I wasn't going to put up with that crap again. If a guy wants to be with me, he will. He won't disappear. He won't tell me about the chicks handling his business (imagine how dry they must have felt). And he will incorporate me into his life.

As they said yesterday on Oprah, the worst feeling in the world isn't when the guy you like doesn't like you back, it's when you are yearning... pining away for someone who could care less about you and strings you along.

If the guy can't treat me how I deserve to be treated (and a man will only treat you how you allow him to treat you), maybe he's just not that into me.

And that's ok, 'cause I'm into me and I refuse to be with anyone who doesn't think I'm the greatest girl in the world.

If you're planning to get me a Christmas gift this year, this would be a good one ;)