Blingles: A social experiment

So, last night my friend Janette and I decided to go to this relatively new singles thing in Toronto, Blingles.

Now, one of my co-workers had gone to a Blingles event a few months back and he wasn’t too impressed, but being the social anthropologist that I am, I said, ‘what the heck? Lemme go and see how Black singles mingle.”

I broke it down to the boyfriend that I was going to be Janette’s wingwoman while I did my research. I’ve never been to a singles’ event before. The closest I’ve come to an event like this was First Fridays which is supposedly based on professional networking, but really is a way to meet men or women. I owe one doomed relationship and one bad date to the First Fridays’ gang.

But I digress; this is not a blog about bad dates… that will be done another time. This is a blog about how single Black folk are meeting up in the big city.

Black and single looking to mingle: The rules

Janette sent me an e-mail with the Blingles’ rules. Yes, folks, they have rules. I thought I was going to have to sign a waiver before I got through the doors. But, anyway, read on:

Rule #1: In order to attend Blingles you must truly be single and must not suffer from girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband amnesia. Well, I had to fib a little – but I don’t mind suffering for the study of anthropology.

Rule #1a: YOU MUST BE ON TIME!!!! Things start at 8pm Sharp. Don’t try to be fashionably late, (or you’ll miss everything). Ha! We’re dealing with Black people here. And, as much as I love my people, if you say 8 pm, the folks will waltz in a 9 pm.

Rule #1b: TRY TO LOOK GOOD, CUTE, you know spruce it up a little ... Remember this is a single's event.

Rule #2: You should leave your business cards at home, but be ready to have good conversation, and not hide behind what you do for a living.

Rule #3: You should come with an open mind and ready to have a good time. Leave all attitudes at the door and whatever else happened to you that day. Janette and I had a good belly laugh about this one. Only at a Black singles’ event will people have to be told to ‘leave all attitudes at the door.’ LOL!

Rule #4: You should not wear your heart on your sleeve and throw all caution to the wind, in hopes of finding your soul mate, but come looking good, feeling good and have the attitude of if it happens it happens, but I’m going to enjoy myself in the process.

Rule #5: You must take part in the interactive games. There will be interaction from the time you enter the door, and we have some fun contests… What Song Is This? Funny Dating Stories.

Rule #6: There is a dress code for Spring Bling, it’s look good be comfortable and wear spring colors if you can. But bearing that in mind, make sure you are comfortable enough to walk and and have a good time. Yo, if a woman is putting on this event, she should know that looking cute and wearing comfortable shoes don’t always mix. So, make sure there are enough seats.

Rule #7: Don't be afraid of Blingles, and if it's not the event for you, still help us spread the word, as it may be the event for your cousin, sister, brother, parents, close friends or someone else you work with.

Rule #8: If the people at Blingles aren't cute enough for you I'm sorry, remember this is all for fun, make the most of your night!!! Is this a warning? Janette said ‘no refunds or exchanges – what you see is what you get!’ This is a little scary to me: forewarning your clientele that the people you meet may not be attractive. Hmmm…

Rule #9: If any of these rules offended you in any way, then this may not be the event for you... and if they didn't... SEE YOU ON THURSDAY NIGHT AT SUGAR NIGHT CLUB 8PM SHARP!!!!

OK, so those are the rules. Let’s get started.

Looking for love…

Janette picked me up at Scarborough Town Centre – (side note here ladies: while waiting for Janette at STC, I saw ‘nuff sisters wearing summer gear: light coloured pants and skirts and hard white panties. I understand that sometimes you don’t feel like wearing a thong or G-string, but, for heaven’s sake, put on dark-coloured underpants) -- around 7:35 pm and we headed down to Sugar Nightclub on Duncan St. in the heart of the Entertainment district.

Seems like Urban Sista’s summer is starting off fast and furious – I’m not a woman who likes to be out of her house on a weeknight. But, hey, I stood around in a line for two hours waiting to see Faith, why not go to a grassroots singles event?

We got to Sugar at around 8:10 pm and we paid $20 each to get in. Twenty dollars of my hard earned cash. Chupse. I had been promised in the e-mail finger foods, so I didn’t stress to hard. At least I’d have a belly full. The hostess handed us each a piece of paper with icebreaker questions and we went in.

There were about 20 people there and guess what? Fifteen of them were women.

Janette and I looked at each other. “If you want someone, you gotta jump on them,” she said as we looked around.

But the evening was still young. “We’re here to meet people, not necessarily men,” Janette said as we spoke to female after female to get the answers for our icebreaker questions. At 9 pm, there were about 19 women to six men and Janette and I both knew one of the guys there, it was really 19 to 5.

The odds were clearly for the men. There were 3.8 women for every man. We were fed up with the questionnaire at this point – I’m saying, it at 8:30 pm there is no one with a last name that starts with B and no one new has shown up by 9, there will still be no one with a last name that starts with B.

But there was a rush of men at around ten after nine. OK, not a rush… maybe a drizzle. About six or seven new guys arrived, along with about 10 more women. When we were ushered into the next room, we were at 30 women to 12 men.

There were 2.5 women for every man.

Sigh.

We went to check out the finger foods. I was expecting some hot snacks – Swedish meatballs, some wings – and the usual, chips, shrimp ring, etc. Well, imagine my surprise when I saw two Girl Guide cookies, some peanut brittle, corn puffs and two measly shrimp rings.

“Two man hands in there and the food is done,” said Janette as we surveyed the food sadly. “My parents always told me to eat before I went out and this is the reason.”

The guys – and girls – were pretty friendly. Janette and I were told that we were some of the friendlier ladies at the event. You know how some women do: five girlfriends in a corner waiting for guys to approach. We weren’t any different, just that we were standing at the bar and smiling at people when they walked by.

This was a singles event. We were trying to meet people. So, what’s with sticking up in a corner cracking jokes with your girls? Janette already knows me; this was the opportunity to meet other folks… to meet men. Sheesh.

I met some really nice guys who, on a regular Thursday night, would probably be at home watching sports or playing video games. None of them were Boris Kodjoe look-alikes, but they were decent, well-employed guys who really wanted to meet someone. They may not have been the guys for me, but the 10 or 11 guys seemed nice enough… at first meeting anyway.

Welcome to Blingles!

At 9:15 pm, the event started.

“Welcome to Blingles!” said Blingles’ founder Anne-Marie Woods. “We’re going to get started!”

“Wait? Welcome? We’re going to get started?” I checked my watch. “So, what have I been doing for the past hour?”

“They’ve only used about $5 of the $20 they took from me. So, things better get started fast,” said Janette. I sucked my teeth and hoped for the best. The venue was nice, but it was a club only the Blingles folks had opted for the lights on rather than off. Everyone was holding up the walls: boys at the back, girls at the sides.

The night got started… started, I’ve been there for nearly an hour and a half and things are getting started. Chupse. Anne-Marie made everyone move to one side of the room to watch her lip-synching, dance presentation.

Right...

So, explain to me how that is conducive to meeting people? It was fun to watch, but being the social anthropologist/scientist I am, it seemed that having people watch something and not mingle detracts from the actual talking to one another.

There was a lot of stuff like that, including a lip synching performance by one Cocoa Bean. Cocoa Bean was one of the Blingles' girls dressed up like Madonna who did a little dance to Holiday. I think that’s when Janette said, “I feel like I’m in someone’s basement.”

LOL!!! Gasp! LOL!!!

It was a sad Grade 8 dance with a weird interpretative dance thrown in. I looked at my watch – it was 10:15 pm. Cocoa Bean did another dance to Janet Jackson’s Lonely and I didn’t know what to think, besides, this portion of the night was definitely NOT worth my $20.

Let’s get the party started

At 10:30 pm, we had to dance with someone and when the host said, “switch!” we had to find another partner. That was the most enjoyable part of the evening – people were loosened up and ready to joke around and get down.

I danced with most of the guys who were there. Some I danced well with, some I didn’t dance so well with – a metaphor for the relationship possibly? But no one was slimy or gross. Men showed their interest, but in a very respectable manner. Not by presenting a dance card or anything like that, but not by doing anything stupid, like throwing a rock at me or tripping me in a dark club (that actually happened to a friend of mine at the upstanding establishment of Epiphany).

After a shy smile, a man would approach and strike up a conversation while dancing: “How are you? Are you enjoying the night so far?” A few guys hung back, holding up the walls, but I chalk that up to shyness or they thought they were too nice. Whatever, some of the women were doing the exact same thing.

The conclusion

Well, we danced for about half an hour and that was the highlight of the evening. Janette and I left, after she met a nice young man.

Let’s be honest, Blingles is definitely not worth the $20 that I had to pay to get in. If you’re going to charge me $20, I better see more than Cocoa Bean carrying on or Anne-Marie dancing.

There should be dating stations, where an interested couple can go and chitchat quietly and privately if the mood strikes them. There should be Blingles branded cards that you can write down your contact information so when Mr. Man pulls out your number or you pull out his, you remember where you met each other. Maybe even a little speed meeting component -- that way everyone gets to meet everyone else.

And don’t even get me started on the finger foods – some more thought should be definitely put into that.

Little things like that will make me feel like I’m at a real live singles’ event, not someone’s basement party, starring Cocoa Bean and Anne-Marie Woods.

But, all in all, it was a very interesting way to meet new people. I don't think you need to pay so much for it, but since everyone is there for the same reason -- to meet someone -- there are no uncomfortable moments. You may not meet your soul mate, but you will meet, if you’re willing to, some interesting people.