Urban Sista’s top 10 list of celebrities who are annoying as heck

I can’t sing and I’m not a celebrity, but I am subjected to them on a daily basis. Who left whom? Who is sleeping with whom? Who has beef with whom? Enough already! I don’t care what Gwyneth Paltrow named her baby as if she’s the only person who has ever given birth to a child or who’s Tom Cruise’s new woman. So, in honour of my annoyance with celebrity worship, here is my top 10 list of celebrities who are getting on my last nerve and need to go on with that mess.

Urban Sista’s top 10 list of celebrities who are annoying as heck (in alphabetical order):

50 Cent/The Game/all ‘gangster’ rappers. Stop being hardcore for a minute, sheesh. I’ve never seen a bunch of men look so cruel all the time -- look at Lloyd Banks, his mouth is forever pushed up. Whatever. Everyone has beef with everyone else, so we think, to sell records… until someone gets shot. What’s wrong with you guys? Really, I think they all need a good West Indian cut ass, because they get on as if this crap is really serious. Enough with the ignorance -- shooting people, perjuring yourself (you know who you are Li'l Kim) or starting coastal beef because you want to sell two records. Chupse.

Ashanti. Oh Ashanti, when will someone tell you that your narrow behind can’t sing? Now, on a faster track, and when she stops with all the ‘baby, baby!’ foolishness, she doesn’t sound half-bad. But when she tries to do a ballad, it’s over. She’s had a few decent tunes, Rain on Me and Happy, but the latest song, Only U? She should be slapped for that one. And how she’s using the song to hawk Herbal Essences shampoos – that’s only as bad as Beyoncé selling L’Oreal hair colour seeing she doesn’t have any hair… did you see the picture?

Avril Lavigne. Avril is a talented singer, musician and songwriter and I really don't have many problems with her -- except the child is always down about something. Brighten up, nuh? But, I would like to know why this little rich rock star is always complaining about the talents of others and ready to fight with Hilary Duff and the rest of the young’uns? She’s too hostile, that’s what the problem is. Always wanting to say how she’s more of an artist because she writes her own music – and? So? Does anyone besides you and a bunch of angry, angst-ridden teenagers care? It was just like back in my day when people where listening to Ani Di Franco vs. Spice Girls or something. Your audience of little people are the only people who care about your beef with Hilary or Lindsey Lohan. Hush your mouth and stop being so blaguardish.

Britney Spears. My Prerogative. Why? I was in shocked when I saw that mess on MuchMusic. We all know that Britney -- as pretty as she may be -- can't sing. So, why are you trying to remake a hit song? Next thing you know, Britney's going to be busting out The Weather Girls' It's Raining Men like poor Geri Halliwell (and you know girlfriend sounded like she needed a good meal). Britney, here's a word to the wise: don't try to remake any songs sung by people who sing better than you. That means, you can't sing anyone's songs beside your own... and maybe Ashanti's... and J.Lo's. I'm not going to even get into the marriage... but how you can tief way a pregnant woman's husband? And Kevin, how you can leave yuh girlfriend, big, big, big pregnant? Wunna deserve each other.

Cameron Diaz. Why are magazines trying to force me to think that Cameron Diaz is pretty? She was good-looking in The Mask, I’ll give her that, but girlfriend is busted. There is nothing attractive about her, nothing. And then hearing that she is one of the smelliest celebrities out there? Cameron needs more than designer clothes, she needs soap. I just heard that HDTV is going to mess up her career -- supposedly her skin isn't so hot up close and personal. Shame. Girl, you don't have to be drop dead gorgeous, just be a good actress. (And let me tell you how difficult it was to find a good picture of Cameron online -- one that isn't too far away.)

Jennifer Lopez. Sigh. J.Lo. If it’s not enough that people had to go through the whole Bennifer thing, we’re still being subjected to you and your excuse for singing. I like Get Right and I’ll dance to that bad boy, but the girl has only had two songs that sounded like anything. Every other song has had to have some rapper (Ja Rule, Fat Joe, Big Pun) all up in there to carry her no-tune having big booty. Dancing, yes. Acting? Hmm… yes. Singing? Please Lord, no. Did you hear Hold U Down? My Lord. That is the worst song in the history of song making.

Mariah Carey. Mariah has gone from bi-racial, to white to Black in less than 15 years. When the girl first came on the scene with Vision of Love, you couldn't hear your ear for her Venezuelan daddy and opera singing mom. Then, suddenly, Mariah went from being powerhouse singer with a little soul, to Celine Dion with a few more pounds. That was all good, Mariah could still bring down the house with her eight octave range. Suddenly, my girl started singing wack, breathy songs, sexing up her videos and doing bad movies (does anyone remember the name of that movie?). What happened to the music? The music became secondary to all the other nonsense and then, the breakdown. She never lied to Bone Thugs 'N Harmony. Mariah, stop with all the foolishness ('they're ash and I'm lotion' bit -- the boyfriend thinks it's a tight line. I think it's.. well, thank goodness the rest of the song is good) and get back to singing or just shut up.

Paris Hilton. This woman is the poster child for someone who has too much money. Paris’ face is all over the TV, tabloids, and the Guess? store at Scarborough Town Centre and she is annoying the heck out of me. Really, what can Paris do – what is her talent? Why do people spend so much time caring about what and who this woman is doing? I gotta give it to her, she’s smart. She is milking those 15 minutes of fame and dragging Nicole Ritchie along for the ride. Do your thing -- although you are working my nerves. But Paris, for the love of all things holy and decent, don’t make an album. I don’t think my ears could take it, especially after hearing Britney, Ashanti and J.Lo.

Russell Crowe. I don't usually have any issues with Russell Crowe -- he's a good actor, but I heard some news a couple of weeks that warranted Russell being on this list. Supposedly, Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaeda, wanted to kidnap poor Russell to destabilize the Australian cultural economy. Russell divulged this top secret information only a few weeks ago. [Rolling eyes] Look, what would bin Laden want with Russell Crowe? If bin Laden is so foolish to think that tiefin' way Russell Crowe was going to 'destabilize Australia's cultural economy' do you think he could have masterminded the 9/11 attacks? Why not steal Mel Gibson? Or maybe... the darned Prime Minister of Australia? Russell, don't believe your own hype. And if you do, don't tell the media.

Tiger Woods. Tiger and I go way back with this dislike (I have an old school dislike for Wesley Snipes as well, but I can't waste my time blogging about his tired behind). I really don't like Tiger and all of his 'cablasian' foolishness. The man is mixed race and that's cool, love who you are, but to hear that he said (and people said that his words were taken out of context) that he is 90 per cent Asian and 10 per cent Black? Tiger, you disappointed me. His dad told Oprah that he raised Tiger to be a part of the human race. Sigh. Mr. Woods, in a perfect world, that would be just fine, but in a world like the one we live in a person needs to know where he/she fits in whether you like it or not. When they don't know where they fit in, you start hearing them throw around made-up words like 'cablasian' or being shocked and unprepared to deal with the N-word (then again, who is ever prepared for that?). Both Tiger and his daddy need a slap -- moreso his daddy, 'cause Tiger didn't raise himself. One hard slap. Brother, you are bi-racial, accept yourself for who you are and stop talking foolishness.